Thoughts 2-1-10

It is time that I put myself first instead of my friends. I mean of course I will put my family first still but I need to focus on me. I always decide not to move even though we simply cant stay where we are now and you know why? Because I am selfish that's all there is to it. My mom hates being here and we are suffering from being here. I want to stay in this place because my so called friends are here. I dont know why I along with my brother and sister decide to stay. These people that are here are not even my real friends. I can not trust any of them and there's no way i could tell them one fourth of the things i post on here. Maybe i am scared to move into the unknown. I always think that if we do move it could be worse than it is here. I would not no anyone therefore i definitely could not trust anyone there because it would take so much time to truly get to know them. Gosh i just hate my life but at the same time i thank god for having it. As soon as i get rid of all these fake friends and lies life should be better but for now I'm stuck. I look at things differently than everyone else at my school so i feel so alone in my thoughts. I hate telling people the things that run through my brain because usually they dont really care they act like they do and i can tell by looking them in the eyes as i tell them. Everyone needs someone to listen to them and understand...to bad i dont have that. It seems that my generation is dehumanized. You try to talk about some real things and the only thing they can think about is Lil Wayne or Jersey Shore. I try to show emotion and that makes me weird. I love to talk about war and other deep thoughts but people can not seem to listen for more than a few minutes because they have short attention spans or they would rather be watching television instead of having an intellectual conversation with another human being.