Poem: Compassion

Every creature breathes this air
we live under one atmosphere
so why kill one another
the thought makes me shutter
imagine if you're in the outcasts shoes
no friends and nothing to lose
because of you they pick up a knife
think about your words before you end a life
cause these people have family too
life and a future just like you do
one thing missing is an understanding ear
so reach out and say ill dry your tear
with my compassion no more nightmares
yes compassion, a friend who cares.

Poem: Breaking Day

If i tumble over and cry
will you think less of me
no matter how forcibly i try 
I know these tears will soon be free

I just can't be whats expected
to be made of concrete
pains spreading my hearts infected
now im draggin my two feet

For you i have walked through
this desert for awhile
I'm to broken so ism through
Wish i could give you the Nile

So please dont think less of me
if i have to some day say
i here by decree
this my breaking day

Poems: Grandpas Eyes

What lies behind Grandpa's eyes?
a love from above you can't deny
a rope of hope that never goes away
kindness that stays with each day

What lies behind Grandpas voice?
a tone that's flown with calmness of choice
a melody spoken so sweet its reassuring
yet so mysterious it keeps you mind turning

What lies inside grandpas mighty heart?
Its so big i don't know where to start
he has a compassion intensely deep
he has his own but will take your heart to keep

I know he took mine to heaven with him
and my love for him will never grow dim
In memory of my Grandpa

Grandpa Part 2

Yeah.....I think about him a lot still. Sometimes i think it may bring me down but then i think hes in a better place. Its true, I miss him oh so very much but crying wont bring him back and im sure he feels helpless if es watching me cry right now. I am grateful that i did get to meet such a kind hearted man. Its sad it took me so long to appreciate that. Not a day passes that i don't think about my Grandpa. Hes my inspiration to be a better person on the inside. He taught me so much about forgiving and kindness. How words can affect someones day  or how they treat someone else later on. Hes so amazing. Gods very lucky to have such an angel.
I have a feeling that my depression is mostly gone. At least for now it is. So i may as well enjoy this time. But for awhile there i doubted God. I doubted his or hers existence in my morbid life. Now i feel closer to him i just hope i am not just feeling things. Lets this be real..... let my stress go away and just enjoy life.  

Grandpa part 1

Today my Grandpa passed away. A lot of people don't know that I sit here and write down all my thoughts but it helps me vent. Its like talking to someone, telling them my deepest secrets and knowing the wont tell anyone, because they cant. But anyways i almost cant believe hes gone. I should have went and seen him while i had the chance. I should have went and told him i loved him and gave him the most heart filled hug but i didnt. Instead i sat at home playing video games. Today's been such a horrible day but i still decided to go to school. I cant concentrate today but at least its something to get my mind off of it. Being around friends is better than soaking in the stress that drains out from my family.
Depressions such a weird thing. One moment your so great that your flying with the birds then the next moment your so low you might as well be nine feet under. Right now as i write this paper thought i am crying in my third period. It is so hard to believe hes already gone! He was the nicest person i ever knew!  The memories that are good always seem to hurt me worse than the bad ones. But those moments were so great that its worth the after pain. R.I.P Grandpa. 9-10-10

my paper thoughts. 9-5-10

I feel as if i am distancing myself away from my friends. Now i am more interested in all the knowledge that's available than social standards and expectations from peers. But being interested in these things makes me feel excluded from some kind of important circle. Not only am i alone outside this circle but no one cares that I am. Teenagers nowadays are so dehumanized, like robots. They say "aww im so sorry your grandpa died" but do they truly care? or are these just false words?
Quietness doesn't mean shyness or sadness (well in my case the second one it does). My depression is crazy! One second i am happy,self-confident then the next i feel hopeless. Whats the point in trying to be successful or popular if after you die no one will remember you because sooner or later they will be gone too. All we have after this is our soul and hopefully memories. Its our choice to make those memories good or bad. But how can i bring meaning to life when i can barely wrap my mind around life? One question that keeps haunting my mind is "what is important to me?" Honestly i don't know. I'm a teenager that's not afraid to say im lost and confused. Depression stole everything i once strive for.

emotionally scarred veterans speech will bring you to tears.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Jioxer?feature=mhum#p/f/15/akm3nYN8aG8